5 Ways to Develop a Healthy, Happy Mind

Would you agree that you and I each have a mind? So far, I haven’t met anyone who says they don’t have a mind. And our mind is the one that feels suffering or joy. If our mind is not happy, then it doesn’t matter what the environment looks like. When our mind is really angry, then even if we are in a beautiful place like a nice beach, or in a very good restaurant with good food and good people around, if our mind is bothered at that moment, we will not enjoy the ocean, the fine food, or being with our friends.

When our mind is happy, we are happy

Let’s say you’re on your first date with your partner. It may not be the same in every culture, but here, even if we’re in a really bad restaurant, that first date is a beautiful experience, wherever you are. Even the fast food place will look very appealing and yummy. Why? Because you are in the throes of an exciting mind. Your mind is so happy about being with your new partner. Then, let’s say, many years later you’re in an elegant restaurant, in some beautiful place, with the same partner. But this time you’re talking about getting a divorce. That environment is not beautiful, is it? The food doesn’t taste good, either. 

If our mind is happy, then everything is beautiful. If our mind is not happy, everything feels painful. Beautiful mind, beautiful world.

This shows very clearly that, if we’re looking for happiness or joy, then working with our mind is more important than anything. That’s why Buddha’s teaching – whether we call it the 84,000 Dharmas, or the tripitika, or some other name – is primarily concerned with how to work with our mind.

Improving the environment around you is wonderful. If you can get a better house or a better car, that’s very good, it’s no problem. A lovely wife or husband is no problem, either; it’s all very good. But if you think that any of those situations is your source of happiness, then that becomes a problem. If you’re looking for happiness “out there” – from cars, from smartphones, from husbands or wives, or whatever the outer condition may be – that is definitely a problem. We start to blame the outside world. We say, “Why are you not making me happy?” And that’s not beneficial for ourselves or for others. 

So, as you can see, the true source of happiness or suffering is actually our mind, our state of mind. Therefore, if we gain good control of our mind, we can have good control of our environment as well. When you’re in charge of your mind and you have the ability to navigate your mind skillfully, then your experience is no longer ruled by your environment.

Buddha taught how to cultivate a healthy mind

All of Buddha’s teachings are basically about how we can cultivate a healthy mind. Such a mind can bring joy to your life and can ultimately lead you to freedom from samsara. If we don’t start out with a relatively healthy mind, it will be really difficult to say we can find nirvana with that mind. So, a healthy mind is very important for our spiritual journey. 

Modern science constantly offers us new developments. But when it comes to the mind, science can’t tell us much. Scientific research on the mind is still very young. When it comes to exploring the mind, we have the greatest research in Asia, such as what Buddha taught. Since Buddha’s time – for 2600 years – we have been doing research on the mind.

We can talk about so many different dharma teachings and spiritual matters, but one thing that is key to our success in this life, as well as to enlightenment, is developing a healthy mind. For any spiritual teaching or practice to have a real impact, you must first become familiar with your mind and have the capability of controlling your mind. And if you have that, any dharma practice you want to do will become easy, it will be no problem. I can promise you that. 

So the good news is that we can all agree from the outset that we have our minds. We all have a mind, isn’t that nice? We don’t have to look for it, we have it. And some other good news is that, according to the Buddha’s teaching, you are the only one who can control your mind. That’s definitely good news. For example, somebody can lock my body inside a room. But nobody can lock my mind inside the room. So you can see that we are totally in control of our own mind. The only person who can lock up your mind is yourself. So what does that say? It says the only person who can free your mind is also yourself. Isn’t that wonderful? We have so much power. 

That’s why Buddha said, You have all the power you need to free your mind. Buddha said very clearly, You’re not lacking anything, you have all the power. Doesn’t matter whether you are a man, woman, child, old person, or young person, we have this power, equally. It’s not that men can have more power to free their mind, and women have less, for example. No, we all have equal power over our own mind. Especially from mahayana-vajrayana point of view. Whether you are a monastic or a layperson, you have equal power to free your mind. So all of that is very good news. You have the full power to liberate your mind, anytime you are ready.

So how do we develop a healthy mind? Here are 5 ways you can do it.

1.  Think positively toward yourself

First up: positive thinking. Every day we try to reduce our negative thinking and increase our positive thinking. We don’t think, Oh I’m this or that sort of person so I can’t do this, I’m weak in my wisdom, or I’m weak in this or that. No. You have to remember that Buddha said you have the full power. You have wisdom, you have compassion. You can do it. Keep a positive view of yourself. Don’t listen to other people. Don’t listen to magazines that always say, This is what beautiful people look like. Don’t listen to that – each of us is beautiful in our own way.

So first of all, it’s very important to practice positive thinking toward yourself.

2.  Think positively toward other people

Secondly, we also need to practice positive thinking toward others. We carry so many negative thoughts about other people, and it’s totally unnecessary. We have a very small brain, so do we want to fill up this brain with negative things? It’s counterproductive. Do you want to fill your room with junk? Or fill your room with beautiful images? Think about it like that. Do you want to fill your mind with negative images and thoughts? Or do you want to fill your mind with positive images and thoughts? 

It’s like that with our smartphone. We take a picture, take another picture, take a video, and suddenly the phone’s storage is full – it doesn’t function well anymore. We realize it’s full (oh no!) and when we go take a look, it’s filled with junk apps, junk pictures, and junk videos. Like that, we put more and more and more data into our mind, without first assessing the value of that data.

At some point, if our mind becomes full of negative junk, it will also stop functioning properly.

For example, if you fill your mind with negative images, worries, and doubts, then what happens? At some point you become paranoid. Negative thoughts take over. Then you’re always thinking, “Oh, he is saying something bad about me,” or “I can tell she doesn’t like me because of the way she is looking at me.” And when you see two people talking, you think, “They are talking about me.” After so many such thoughts pile up, you become paranoid. So don’t fill your mind with junk thoughts. Think of your mind as your private space. It’s like your bedroom, your living room, or your desk. Don’t you want to keep it clean so you can find everything, so you can function well in that space?  

So, try to think positive thoughts at least once, or a few times a day. Do this intentionally. Let’s say you have a bad thought about your family member or coworker. Try to think positively about them, at least once, twice, or three times a day. And when you notice yourself feeling down, try to think about something positive in that moment.

So to start developing a healthy mind, we need to reduce negative thinking – about others as well as about ourselves. 

3.  Develop equanimity and don’t judge

Third, we try to develop a heart of equality or equanimity. We try to be less biased. Developing a less biased mind begins with not jumping to a conclusion right away. Don’t judge people right away. In English there is a saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

The judgmental mind is very tricky. You need a judgmental mind to survive. But if you take it to the extreme, it becomes negative. Suddenly, we are judging left and right, usually without any reason. Sometimes we are just sitting in the shopping mall, looking at people and judging them. We don’t even know these people or have any business with them, but we’re having all these judgemental thoughts about them. We need to only use a judgmental mind when it’s absolutely necessary. If you’re walking down a city street in a rough neighborhood, then of course you have to be watchful. In such cases, you have to use a bit of a judgmental mind so that you don’t get hurt. You use it when you really need it.

But generally speaking, Buddha said quite clearly in his teachings, “Don’t judge others.” Period. Absolutely no judging. So we should always remember this. Buddha said, “The actions of others won’t cause any problems, but if I have judgment toward other people’s actions, that will cause problems.” It’s right there in the sutra. It’s one of the biggest problems in our world, the way we habitually judge others, usually without good reason. When you’re gossiping, for instance, you’re always judging people.

So try to have some kind of equality awareness, at least in your mind. And make an effort not to be too biased, not too judgmental. 

4.  Cultivate contentment

To cultivate contentment doesn’t mean that we look to make things better. It doesn’t mean looking for improvements with a goal of greater achievement. Contentment means that we have a certain sense of appreciation. That we are content with what we have and appreciate what we have. Even while you are seeking something better, stay appreciative and be content. If you don’t appreciate what you have now, then the next thing you achieve will not bring you any more happiness. Because then you will just start looking for something else “better.” 

When you go to a restaurant that is known for its good desserts, first you eat the meal. If you keep thinking about dessert while you eat your meal, you will not enjoy the food. You may eat very fast, and it’s not healthy to eat so fast. You’re so excited about having dessert, but when you order the dessert, they may say, “Sorry, but we’re out of dessert.” So you end up with no dessert to enjoy. And not only that, but you also didn’t enjoy the food you just gobbled down. You didn’t even really taste the meal you ate – you missed that opportunity. So, whatever you’re looking forward to next may be something very nice, but first, enjoy the thing you have now. That is contentment.

The great master Nagarjuna said, “Contentment is the greatest wealth of all.” In Tibetan, we also have a saying: “If you are content, you are the wealthiest person. If you are not content, then if even if you’re the wealthiest, you are the poorest person.”

5.  Have a little less ego and a little more compassion

To develop a healthy mind, we must put others before ourselves more often. We need to be less self-centered, less focused on “me” and “myself.” This simply means paying more attention to the environment and to others. 

When you benefit others, you are actually benefiting yourself. This is called interdependence. When we look at the global situation these days, interdependence is more clear to us than at any other time in human history. We are all dependent on each other. My happiness depends on your happiness.  

When I was younger, I studied in Nepal with my teachers, such as Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche and Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche. At that time, I often noticed people sweeping in front of their houses. They would sweep the dirt away from their house and onto their neighbor’s side. Then later, that neighbor would come out to clean, and sweep the dirt right back again. So in the end, the whole neighborhood was not clean, and that’s really no fun. So instead, if you just pick up your garbage and throw it away, and then even help your neighbor to throw their garbage away, then everybody’s environment will be clean. That’s an example of having a bit less ego and a bit more compassion, by honoring our interdependence. 

Instead of harboring jealousy, or envy, toward your neighbor, you can have positive thoughts and good wishes for their success. Because that’s not only good for them, it’s good for you. Even from a selfish point of view, thinking well of others will serve you well. And on top of that, if you can have real compassion, that’s even better. So we need to try to develop some sense of genuine compassion. You don’t have to know the person to feel love toward them.

Sometimes it’s very easy for us to have compassion toward animals. We see a little bird suffering and instantly we feel its pain, its need for help, and our heart goes out to that bird. But somehow we have a harder time having compassion toward human beings.

These are five ways, then, that we can develop our mind so it is a little bit healthier. To do this, we check again and again on the fixating mind, the mind of attachment. And we try to change that fixation into love, to change that obsession and attachment into genuine love and caring.

One of my students told me that when someone asks, “Why are you not making me happy?” that’s attachment. And when someone’s asking, “How can I make you happy?” then that is love. I really like that. I learn a lot from my students.

So let’s try this with everyone we meet on the street or wherever we may be: “How can I make you happy?” We can start with our family, our partners. Instead of saying, or thinking, “Why are you not making me happy?” we can try to change that to, “How can I make you happy?” When we do this, we will really start to enjoy our compassionate heart.