4 Things You Can Control

There’s so much happening around the world, and so much happening in each of our lives. I think we have this feeling in common: that things are changing. It can feel confusing. Because when we experience such change, we have the experience of losing control.

One of the deepest impulses in our human mind is the desire for control. Whether we see it or not, that’s happening deep within our habitual mind. This sense of a strong desire to control.

We want to control aging, right? That’s why we’re running along the river. Or bicycling. Or lifting weights. And it’s why we contribute so much money to the companies that make anti-aging products. Every time you use an anti-aging product, you’re trying to control the reality of aging.

We’re trying to control our health. We’re trying to control our relationships. We’re trying to control our success and our reputation. The big fear of losing face is the fear of losing control.

But you will not lose face. You will always be you, so don’t worry. You will not lose your face. It’s easy to see that our deepest desire is for control. But there’s a problem there: that desire to control change contradicts with nature, or reality. Life exists in the very nature of change, doesn’t it? We cannot control that. Even so, sometimes we just want things to stay the same.

Do you remember, after the pandemic lockdowns, everybody was talking about “going back to normal”? How can we “go back to normal”? You cannot go back to normal. Because the normal thing you’re thinking about has already changed. But there’s good news, too: you can have a new normal.

If you really look at change, it’s taking place even while you’re thinking things are staying the same. Even at that moment, it’s already changing. One minute you think you’re in control. “Great. Everything is going along just fine.” But if you look a little closer, it’s not. It is changing. Things are changing all the time. And that change is nothing new. 

What the Dharma teaches, what Buddha taught, is that actually there’s no need to control change. What we need to do is change our perception. We need to change our perception of change. We need to develop the skill and the wisdom to adapt to change. Once you have that skill, you can make the best use of a changing situation.

You cannot really control change anyway. But you can control your attitude towards change. You can control your response and your effort towards it. And you can control your own awareness. You always have control of those 4 things. And if you work with them well, then change will bring a positive result.

From childhood to adulthood, we go through changes and transitions. We may go from being single to being married. Then from adulthood we go to our favorite place, aging. Slowly we reach old age, then we go from old age to the biggest transition of all: death and dying. In Buddhism, these are what we call anitya: impermanence. Impermanence basically means change.

As practitioners, we must try to work with all of the small changes taking place from moment to moment. Because if we cannot work with these momentary changes in our life as they’re happening, then when living changes to dying, it will be impossible for us to work with. Based on our concepts, the transition from living into dying is the biggest change.

Therefore we must prepare, be ready, be happy, be joyful, regarding any change. We need a joyful attitude. If you have a joyful attitude towards change, change will be joyful.

1. Your Attitude Toward Change

To work with change, first develop a positive, joyful attitude. However painful the situation may be, try to develop this positive attitude. I’m not saying it’s easy. I know it’s not easy.

Here’s an example, considering pain on a scale from 1 to 10. If the pain is at 10, if you develop a joyful attitude towards that pain, the pain level may go down to 9 . . . 8 . . . 7. . . 6, and so on, depending on how joyful you feel. 

If your attitude is not joyful but somewhat negative, the pain might stay at 10. Or, it may seem like 12. There’s actually no 12 because the maximum level is 10. But you may feel like the pain is at 12. It’s like when the Apple Weather app says the temperature is about 75 degrees Fahrenheit. Or 25 degrees Celsius. Maybe the app says it’s 25 degrees C outside, but it “feels like” 30 degrees C. Our pain and suffering is also like that. The actual pain is at 10, but it may feel like 12, or even 15, depending on our attitude.

2. Your Response to Change

Second, we work with our response to the change. If you’re skillful with your response, the difficulty will be shorter in duration. 

If you’re not skillful, you may actually increase the duration of the pain. So we need to pay attention to our response. When you’re facing a painful situation and you respond with rejection or denial of the change, that’s going to make it worse.

So, our response makes a big difference. When you have the benefit of skillful means and wisdom, then even if it’s a big problem, you can find a way to resolve it easily. But if you don’t have wisdom or skillful means, then even a small problem becomes very difficult to resolve.

3. Your Effort Towards Change

Third, we work with our effort towards the change. We have control over our efforts. Effort or diligence, in the Mahayana teachings, has the connotation of being joyful. In English, it’s translated as joyful effort.

So put effort into working with this change. I’m not talking about positive change, because you’re not concerned about that anyway. Our greater concern is negative change. What kind of effort is needed then? Our effort should be joyful. Because if you put angry or aggressive effort into working with that change, it will make the situation worse.

4. Your Awareness of Change

Lastly, to work with change skillfully, we need awareness. With awareness, you look at what’s going on internally – how you’re experiencing this change. You monitor your mind: your thoughts and emotions. Awareness is very important here. Usually we focus outside, on the outer change taking place, and trying to control that or fix it. But then we forget to look inside. 

When you watch your internal response, your internal experience, that is practicing awareness. You’re not only remaining aware and being mindful of what’s happening outside. You’re also maintaining awareness of what’s happening inside.

By applying these 4 ways of working with change, you can skillfully meet any situation. In this way, you are somewhat in control of the change, and you can really enjoy it. A shift takes place. We go from neurotically trying to control the circumstances, to cultivating a positive attitude and a skillful response, making our joyful effort with mindfulness and awareness. When we take charge of our attitude, our response, our effort, and our awareness, it becomes possible to lessen the pain of our difficulties, and to enjoy them. Because they’re giving us the opportunity to live fully, and with a sense of lightness.

This article is based on a teaching given by Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche to the Nalandabodhi Taipei sangha on March 10, 2026.